I’m just so fed up with this shit. Why can’t it just be as simple as eating a crap ton of food so I can gain my weight back? NOPE. It’s never that simple for me. I am now back in the cycle where I look at every piece of food in this house and I don’t want it or I’m afraid I’ll vomit it up…as usual. I’m sick of doctors telling me “I dunno what’s wrong with you” and my mother telling me “you have an eating disorder”. I’m fed up with a lot of things with this situation but I don’t know what to do about it. I can’t force myself to eat something I don’t want. I just can’t. It’s just so annoying that this has taken such a huge toll on my life.
I haven’t been able to hangout with friends because I’m scared I’m going to have my world famous pain attacks and then make my friends uncomfortable. I’m also afraid that I’m going to have a vomiting episode and again, make them uncomfortable. Plus my body aches and screams in pain when I move…so that helps nothing. I just feel so caged and trapped in my body. I feel like I’ll be this way forever…so I might as well get used to it I guess.